2021 February Flash Fiction Challenge: Day 19

For today’s prompt, write about an argument.

Remember: These prompts are just starting points; you have the freedom to go wherever your flash of inspiration takes you.

(Note: If you happen to run into any issues posting, please just send me an e-mail at mrichard@aimmedia.com with the subject line: Flash Fiction Challenge Commenting Issue.)

Electronic Correspondance. Captain Fancy; Wildflame. Spring 2021.

My beloved nemesis,

I know you’ve been planning something nefarious for the last few months, though I’m not quite sure what it is. Obviously, it’s nothing grand, if I haven’t been called in to thwart you. Not like Doomsday ’92, am I right? Those were the days…

Anyway, the wife and I were hoping to take the kids to the beach at the end of April, so if you could avoid enacting said plans until after we come back, I’d rather appreciate it.

Love,

Captain Fancy

PS – I sent a letter to American Review on your behalf. You may be an evil, cold-hearted beast, but there was no reason for them to misgender you.

***

My cherished inevitable downfall,

First off, it’s ridiculous that you insist on emailing me. My underlings don’t even email me anymore; we have Slack! Your aversion to texting is annoying and inconvenient!!!

Further, I am extremely displeased by your plans. The beach? Really? Nothing good comes from the ocean. Or the sand, for that matter! Your family would have had a better time in the mountains, where you can ski and sit in a hot tub on the same day. And where there are no sharks! Once again, your lack of imagination astonishes me. I could have given you the name of my AirBnb guy.

Also: I do not take orders from you! I will enact my plan whenever I see fit. Don’t think that bringing up fond memories or mentioning your strongly-worded letter to AR butters me up in any way…though the gesture is much appreciated.

Yours in loathing,

Wildflame

PS – JUST TEXT ME, YOU FOOL, IT TOOK ME WEEKS TO SEE YOUR EMAIL

***

Adored archenemy,

There’s something about this medium that I find comforting. When I read your words, it’s like you’re in the room with me. It reminds me of college! Besides, you use too many emojis over text, and I can never figure out what they mean. You should just learn to check your email once a day. Then you’d never miss my missives!

I take your refusal to cooperate to mean that your plan has already been enacted and you’ve no way to stop it. That’s fine; I understand how hard the minions work. I admit, texting you would have been faster, but alas.

Attached, please find an image of my children’s faces after I told them that we’d have to cancel our vacation. I know you thrive on misery.

See you in April!

Love,

Captain Fancy

PS – The beach is way better than the mountains. Boardwalk food and carnival games? You can’t beat it!

***

To whom it may most aggravate,

Stop being understanding! About everything!! I hate it!!! You’re too nice, and it makes me want to destroy you!!!!

I have already called and apologized to your children, so I refuse to let you make me feel guilty. I’m also fairly certain I convinced Peter to do a summer internship here in the labs, so HA! Also, the fact that you have a child old enough to have an internship is grotesque. It makes me feel old. You reminiscing about college does not help.

I will, indeed, see you in April.

I hope you succumb to poison,

Wildflame

PS – I forwarded Clara the contact info for my AirBnb guy and she agreed the mountains were better, so, enjoy your vacation in March, you goon!