Writing and Exploring the Bond Between Mothers and Daughters in Fiction and Real Life
They say no two siblings have the same parents. Author Georgina Moore discusses the process of writing about and exploring the bond between mothers and daughters in fiction and real life.
One day, I was arguing with my daughter Daisy (11 going on 16), and my mother happened to be there, too, watching us. She was taking it all in—Daisy’s stubborn refusal to listen; the back-talking; her final resort to childlike wheedling. My mother smiled her knowing smile. “It’s nothing you don’t deserve, Georgina,” she said with affection.
We all laughed, because of course, she was right. I’d been a strong-willed child, too. I never stopped talking or having an opinion, wanting to go my own way. I had put my mother through many trials throughout my adolescence. And now I was experiencing what it was like to mother a strong character—tough but sensitive—an emotional minefield underneath the sassy exterior. The same as my mother had experienced with me.
In many ways, Daisy and I are the same person. It can be hard to see your character reflected in your child, but it can also make you understand them in a way no one else can. And it can be very typical in a family to see patterns of character and mothering re-emerging over the generations.
I drew on this rollercoaster of push-and-pull when writing my debut novel, The Garnett Girls. I always knew I wanted to write about mothers and daughters. It’s at the heart of so many family experiences, and the relationship is rarely an easy one. It can vary so dramatically among siblings, too; each one can have such a unique relationship with their mother even when they belong to the same family.
In The Garnett Girls, the three sisters each have a complex yet unique relationship with their mother Margo. Margo, like a lot of mothers, interferes, and from a place of love tries to control her daughter’s decisions, especially when it comes to relationships. She doesn’t want her daughters to make the same mistakes she made. It was important to me to show that many of the mistakes on both sides come from too much love, not too little.
When I was growing up, I spent a lot of time wanting to please my mother. Our relationship was very different to the one I have with Daisy. My mother is reserved, graceful, and diplomatic. It’s hard to get her to say how she feels or to express her view, and many times growing up, I felt I was just guessing about how she felt, trying to read her reactions, often feeling left in the dark. She hadn’t been naughty or rebellious and had grown up in the shadow of my charismatic grandmother.
I understood my grandmother better, and I was often sent to stay with her. She and I had a bond that came from being similar—gregarious and messy, opinionated, and sometimes a bit too sharp for our own good. We’d chatter away to each other and anyone we met, true extroverts. Whether you’re similar or not in character to your mother, the need to have your mother’s approval remains the same.
I see it in Daisy, even though she tries to hide it. It’ll take a lot of digging from me to expose her worries of having disappointed me. There is a huge responsibility that comes with mothering, and I wanted to explore with Margo’s character as the matriarch, what happens when you get that responsibility wrong at times.
Each of the Garnett daughters is defined in some way by their relationship with their mother and the role they’ve been allotted in the family, which is difficult to break away from regardless of how hard they may try. Rachel, the oldest, is living a life she doesn’t really want, living in the family home and trying to keep her mother’s traditions alive, even though she would rather go her own way. Imogen, the middle daughter, is about to marry the wrong man, all because Margo approves of him. And Sasha, the youngest, is the one who’s most like Margo but who has managed to run the furthest away; and yet, underneath it all, she feels the pull of home, the desire to find her way back to all of them.
As with most relationships, it becomes easier when people start talking to each other. The Garnett sisters go on a journey with their mother when secrets are revealed, and the past is finally discussed. I remember reading a piece that really affected me by journalist Caitlin Moran who said the only thing she regretted as a mum was not being available to talk every time her teenage daughter wanted to. Because you need to keep the lines of communication open for as long as you can.
Now, even when it’s late and I’m dropping dead on my feet, I make sure that if Daisy wants a long chat at bedtime, I make the time. Mothering will always be a rollercoaster, but it can be made easier when we try to forgive and understand each other for the mistakes we make (and there will be plenty!) along the way.
Georgina Moore grew up in London and lives on a houseboat on the Thames with her partner, two children, and Bomber, their Border Terrier. The Garnett Girls is her first novel.
