Writing Mistakes Writers Make: Omitting Sensory Details

Everyone makes mistakes—even writers—but that's okay because each mistake is a great learning opportunity. The Writer's Digest team has witnessed many mistakes over the years, so we started this series to help identify them early in the process. Note: The mistakes in this series aren't focused on grammar rules, though we offer help in that area as well.

(75 grammar rules for writers.)

Rather, we're looking at bigger picture mistakes and mishaps, including the error of using too much exposition, neglecting research, or researching too much. This week's writing mistake writers make is omitting sensory details.

“Show, don’t tell” is probably one of the most popular pieces of writing advice; you probably heard it first in a classroom somewhere in your middle or high school years. It’s so popular because it’s good advice—you want your readers to experience the story rather than sit there feeling like they’re presented with a to-do list that your characters are checking off.

Here’s an example of a passage where I’ve told instead of shown:

It’s not the most interesting passage, is it? This exemplifies that, yes, the “show, don’t tell” advice is sound, but how does one go about implementing it? This part isn’t always so clear-cut. But one of the best ways to ensure that you’re showing the reader your world instead of simply telling them about it is to engage their senses.

This is probably the sense that is the hardest to get right since when you tell the reader what the character is seeing, it’s very similar to showing it to them. However, to flesh out your world, you want to make sure that you’re giving the reader detail, not just a laundry list of what’s in the room.

Let’s go back to the passage I used as an example earlier:

Here, our narrator is telling us what they see, but it’s reading kind of flat. Why? We’re missing Sarah’s perspective. The key is to remember that we’re not seeing things through an impartial lens; it’s being filtered through your narrator. What your narrator notices and the way they react to what they notice is what will make your description more dynamic.

So, let’s take that passage and filter it through our narrator:

In this passage, we learn quite a bit about the subject, but also about our narrator. Her mother is no longer in the picture and she’s missing how things used to be; her father is regulated to the back of her attention. These small details are important because you can use them later to further your plot.

(Writing Mistakes Writers Make: Revising While Writing)

Sound is tricky because it needs to be used sparingly. Think of all of the sounds that you tune out during your day; not every sound is worth noting down in your writing, either. However, sound (and even the absence of sound) can be used in ways to help you flesh out your scene.

Let’s expand our passage further:

Here, we get a little more information on what Sarah’s life is like. Her father is clearly doing his best, something that Sarah notices peripherally, but she’s still captured by how things used to be when her mother was there. The contrast of the dry rasp of her father and the vibrancy of her mother, according to Sarah, reveals a new level of her emotional state.

I lumped these two together, because often if you’re describing the way something tastes, the reader will envision how it smells and vice versa. These two senses are generally very linked together. These are senses that you will want to use more sparingly than the others, as this kind of information is usually regulated to the background of your narrator’s attention.

For example, say two people are going to a lunch meeting together. If the purpose of the meeting is for Person A to pitch a risky project to Person B, then Person A is probably not going to spend a lot of time describing the smell and taste of their meal to the reader. However, if these two people are linked by food in some way, either culturally, professional, or maybe they’re a bit of an amateur foodie, then the importance of smell and/or taste is higher.

Something else to note: Smell is usually a really powerful trigger for memory. We might not remember every afternoon spent at our grandparent’s house, but we might remember the exact way our grandpa’s cigarettes smelled or the particular way our grandma’s secret cookie recipe tasted. If you’re looking to trigger a memory for your character, these are great senses to employ.

Knowing this, I’ve fleshed out Sarah’s scene a bit more:

(Writing Mistakes Writers Make: Neglecting Research)

Touch is probably my favorite sense to use in any scene. Not only are we talking about what your character is feeling physically (soft blankets, painful shoes, etc.), but I think physicality can be used to express emotion really well in a scene.

Take this example:

Here, we can see that the memory of her mother and the mornings they spent together manifest physically in Sarah’s body; she has to resist the urge to cry. Instead of telling the reader that Sarah is sad and misses her mother, we show how that emotion comes out of her.

Think of it this way: The way to get your reader into a scene fast is to make them feel like they’re there. Engaging the senses is the best way to do that. Happy writing! 

Click to continue.